Self Care after a Break Up

Polly Nor Demons Self Care Art by Polly Nor 

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. While in a relationship, breaking up may seem like the worst possible scenario but it can lead to a whole lot of self growth and new found positivity. You just need to handle yourself the right way and recognise your vulnerabilities in the moment. Don’t get me wrong though, this is so much easier said than done! But in the long run you will be thankful that you rewarded yourself with the time to heal after a breakup rather than punishing yourself when you are down.

It goes without saying that some break ups are easier than others. Sometimes simply breaking up with someone is enough to feel rewarded because you realised that it’s not what you wanted and maybe it wasn’t that serious. In this scenario you’re probably going to be in for an easier ride. You’re already in the mindset of improving your happiness, so just continue riding that wave and do what feels right for you!

At other times, you might feel like your heart has fallen out of your ass, and you are ready to suffer a slow, painful death (Over-dramatic? meh, maybe, but most of us have been there). This to me is when self care is vital, because it can be difficult to recognise the rut that you’ve gotten yourself into. Self care is different for everyone and it can vary in different situations, so it would be difficult to sit down and write an instruction manual on how to pull yourself out of your sadness. But I do think it is important to focus on yourself.

It goes without saying that in order for your self care to be effective, you need to recognise and admit to yourself how you are feeling. Admitting your own denial can be the hardest part, but once you acknowledge it you can start to tackle the issue. This is when your own notion of self care will kick in. It might be eating better meals, or getting yourself out of bed, or having a little pamper day at home. Everyone has different methods of pick-me-up’s, and they will probably vary depending on the situation.

No matter the scenario though, I think it is important to take the time for yourself after a break up. Take the time to heal and to recognise your head space when you are low. There is nothing wrong with focusing extra energy on taking care of yourself. So switch off your phone, stop checking their instagram, pick your tits up off the floor and start to clear your head. It might feel like you are being a little selfish. But some times it is necessary.

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Pretty Girls Like You Should Have Been Snapped Up By Now

Not Ur babe AmbivalentlyYours Image by Ambivalently Yours

Recently I received a message which read “a pretty girl like you should have been snapped up by now.” I think it was supposed to be a compliment, but it felt more like a slap in the face. Within an instant I was stripped of my own bodily autonomy; of free thinking; and the ability to make decisions for myself. It reduced my body to something that can be claimed, while suggesting that I settle for the first man who will take me – as if I am an item in a store waiting for the first person to ‘snap me up’ and take me home. Which isn’t the case at all.

Naturally I’ve never been a dependent person, I don’t fall for people easily and I am pretty content with solitude. So to be told I should have been claimed by now left me a bit gobsmacked. How much of a misogynist does someone need to be to make such a statement? It puts forward the idea that women do not have autonomy over their bodies and that they cannot deny men their body. It’s an archaic idea, that most (if not/hopefully all) of us in today’s society will have dispelled.

The more time you spend single, the more that you hear comments like this which suggest you need a relationship. All those nagging aunts asking about your love life and why you don’t have a boyfriend, your work colleagues asking about your next date, and your parents (or in my case my mum) telling you that you need a ‘friend’. It goes without saying but relationships do not validify your identity. There is absolutely no need to be with someone to tide the time over, and spending time alone is okay. Take the time to relearn your body and mind – how long it takes doesn’t matter.

Fuck anyone who suggests otherwise.

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CYO Foundation Review

I’m still on a drugstore foundation hype, and once CYO dropped into Boots I knew I had to try out their foundation. Unfortunately the first time I stopped into the shop, my shade had completely sold out. A months later I was back on the hunt for a new foundation as I heard NYX’s HD foundation (which I love) was being discontinued, I figured I’d stock up on a couple of those and also give CYO a try. I picked up the lightest shade that they offer, 101.

Ever since I first tried NARS Sheer Glow foundation I’ve realised that dewy foundations sit much better on my face than any matte foundation ever will, so with this in mind I picked up CYO’s Lifeproof Long Lasting Foundation. This is a medium coverage foundation with a very creamy texture, so a little goes a long way. It doesn’t necessarily give the same glow as other foundations which I have recently used as the coverage is slightly fuller, however I was pleasantly surprised by the application. I didn’t expect this to sit well on my skin as my skin is fairly dry but the foundation gave a very even coverage which doesn’t cling to any dry spots.

The packaging is fairly standard for drug store foundation, and you can see the parallels to the designs of the NARS bottle or even Chanel, with the frosted bottom and black lid. The main difference is that this product is plastic which keeps the cost down, but ultimately this is something that the beauty industry needs to reconsider as we are living out a plastic crisis. Cosmetic companies create 120 billion units of plastic packaging every year, which could be created in more environmentally friendly ways. Aesthetically however, it is nothing new but that didn’t stop me from reaching for it.

Throughout the day this product wore really well. I expected it to crack on my skin and show some flakiness, but there was no signs of that at all. My skin remained looking smooth and no redness had started to shine through the base. However the main problem with this product isn’t in the wear or the packaging, but instead is shown by the limited shade range. The range definitely does not cover a broad range of skin tones and those with darker skin may struggle to find a match. Personally, I use their lightest shade and the neutral undertones does my skin tone no favours. I really need a pale shade with pink undertones to complement my skin, otherwise the foundation appears a little orange-y.

Overall, the consistency and the wear of the foundation has taken me by surprise. The formula is rich and creamy, but it isn’t drying on the skin. This means that the formula is great for those with dry skin types who want a slightly fuller coverage. However, the shade range is definitely lacking some diversity and I would suggest that alternative packaging should be considered.

Getting my First Tattoo!

Needless to say I waited a long time for this. There was even a brief period of time when I thought I’d never get any tattoos simply because I never had the patience (or ability) to save money for one. Regardless, I had known since I was a kid that I wanted tattoo’s, I always thought I’d be that gal who hops straight into the tattoo chair the minute I turned 18. Surprisingly I was hesitant and it took me an extra 4 years before I actually convinced myself into booking an appointment after a previous failed attempt.

I guess when I turned 18 the decision became much more real and I was very aware that I was altering my body for life. And for the first time ever my family’s opinions really started to matter. Much like many parents, mine hate tattoos and they would say anything to talk me out of it and they succeeded for a while. Getting a tattoo really wasn’t worth the drama. I’d experienced it before when I first got my nose pierced and my dad didn’t speak to me for a month, or when I first dyed my hair and my mum dragged me to the kitchen sink in an attempt to wash it out. Sure both of those things happened in my early teens but I remember the unrest that it created in my life as if it was fresh. Plus I still live at home and I just didn’t want my life to descend into hell for the unforeseeable future.

I don’t know what changed but I finally had a ‘fuck it’ moment. I had a few artists in mind but they all had closed books and I didn’t want to wait too long in case I regretted my decision and bailed, so I searched through all of the artists I follow on instagram and found Aaron, based in Custom Ink in Glasgow. His work appealed to me because it is feminine without being too dainty. He contrasts really fine beautiful detail with solid black lines which gives his work an edge which I feel works perfectly for me. It didn’t take long before I had paid my deposit and booked in for an appointment. To my surprise my parents didn’t even tell me it was a bad idea or try and talk me out of it.

A month passed and I was in the tattoo seat. When the day hit I was overcome with nerves, I had convinced myself that I was about to lose my leg or I wasn’t going to be able to walk afterwards. But much to my surprise getting a tattoo is nowhere near as painful as either of those things! There was even moments throughout that I couldn’t feel a thing. I was so chuffed when the tattoo was finished, the piece is so different than I had even expected but I love it so much. My mum even offered to pay for my next one after seeing it, I guess she’s a convert!

At the time of writing my tattoo has mostly healed. It seems like I have one small area that was covered with white ink that is healing at a slightly slower rate than the rest of it, but other than some redness it’s unproblematic. I’ve been using Palmers Cocoa Butter throughout healing to keep it moisturised and I’ve loved it as a product, it’s a super thick cream so a little goes a long way. I’ll probably still have plenty left by the time I get tattoo number two!

Tattoo Blackwork spider flower

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Dating as an Introvert

Dating as an introvert is exhausting. I am perhaps not the person that you think of when you hear the word ‘introvert’. I’m not that girl that sits with her nose in a book at any given chance. In fact I’m fairly outgoing and I love spending time around my friends, but spending time in big groups of people and being around people I don’t know well is mentally very tiring for me. There are few things that I appreciate more than the solitude of being alone, which probably sounds like a bit of a contradiction when you are willing to put yourself out there on the firing line for dating.

As I previously mentioned, spending time in large groups of people can be pretty challenging for me, which in the past would pose some problems in regards to getting to know new people. These days however, finding someone to go on a date with is made that bit easier with the presence of dating apps. Sure we all complain about how superficial apps like tinder can be, but they do conquer half of the battle of getting to know new people… if you are willing to put the effort in of course. But what happens when you find someone who has sparked your interest?

So you go on that first date – some times they don’t work out, other times you are left craving more. But no matter the circumstance, as an introvert you feel totally drained. Quite often when a date goes well the person might ask to see you again in a few days time, and of course it is fine to decline and suggest another day but you also don’t want to give off the impression that you’re not interested in them. This has happened to me on a number of occasions – I have agreed to go on a second date but all I really want to do is rest for a month before I have contact with anyone ever again.

I haven’t found an answer to my problem yet. Some times I power through it and drag myself out of bed to see them again. Other times my need to rest gets the better of me and I bail. But one thing I do know is that it makes dating difficult. Some times it even feels like a chore. Who knows, it could be that it’s just my body’s way of telling me that i’m not meeting the right people, and when the right person comes along they’ll slot effortlessly into my life. But time will tell, as for now… Dating is exhausting.

dating introvert goth goff alternative zero 00zero0

Photo by Euan Kinloch 

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I Graduated!

I only went and graduated with an honours degree in Politics and International Relations, and I couldn’t be more chuffed! As I hinted in my previous post, at the beginning of my final year I was in a pretty mentally challenging head space. It was difficult enough just to get out bed most days never mind to leave the house and focus on anything meaningful, but I knew I had to. Now, the academic year has passed and I managed to make it through the year getting better grades than I had previously and complete my degree! It’s about bloody time this day came…

The day itself was an absolute scorcher, reaching up to 30 degrees. I don’t know who thought it would be funny to have a goff out in that heat all day, but at least I wasn’t the only one head-to-toe in black for once. I knew I didn’t want to spend money on anything new for graduation day so after a pretty intense instagram poll, I pulled out an old Ted Baker dress that I bought in the sale a few years ago. It’s one of my favourites with embroidered gold dragon details on the sleeve and waist, then I topped it off with black buckled heels from ASOS. I knew my dress wouldn’t be much on show, so I wanted some statement heels to add some edge.

Overall, the day really wasn’t about what I was wearing, but it was a much needed celebration of four years of hard work from myself and my friends on my course! I’m not sure anyone was convinced that they’d make it to the end, after all it wouldn’t be a degree if it wasn’t challenging!

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Long Time No See!

Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted and it feels pretty good to be back! I’ve had the intention to get back to blogging for the best part of a year now. I even re-emerged for a post about Valentines day, but it was never quite the right time to start blogging again. I never planned to stop posting to my blog, but as Summer ended last year my mental health had declined to a point that I hadn’t recognised since I was about 15. My motivation had vanished and I struggled to maintain an interest in anything so I decided that it was best that the little energy that I had was channelled into my uni assignments. I entered my final year after all and I really didn’t want to fuck it up.

I’m now at the end of that year. Exams are completed. At the time of writing I’ve celebrated at grad ball, and I graduate in three days time. It feels great! But with all that said, every single plan that I made for when I finished uni has failed thus far. From moving down south, or continuing at Uni and getting a Masters degree, none of it seems meant to be. So I have a lot of time on my hands and I think the time is right for me to start blogging again.

Being the unorganised mess that I am, I have no sense of what direction I plan to take this blog, but I do know that it is going to be different. Much of my previous content was about living in a long distance relationship but that is definitely something that is behind me now. However, I would like to bring more music content to this blog as I further explore the female music scene. I love listening to music and I love supporting other women in their ventures, so I intend to use my blog to share their journey and my own as I figure out where my life is headed.

Hopefully you all will join me once again!

In the mean time check out my links below

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alternative goth lifestyle zero photography dr martens duo tone hair
Photo by Euan Kinloch