The Face of Jealousy

8030b02676e358864f34d84a2c4b6b9aLong story, short – Bradley made a new friend. A new girl had started in his work quite a few months ago and over time she became a part of his friend group. Brad shares his house with his group of friends and she will come over, hang out, watch movies – you know, do what friends do. Now here’s the catch. I didn’t even notice. How does that happen? I don’t know. But it hit me when I visited again in January for the first time in 3 months. I probably would have been none-the-wiser had I not visited Cambridge, and the only reason I realised was because they were texting loads. It’s not really a big deal, but the scenario did leave me feeling a bit confused, and of course my mind started to worry.

After I returned from Cambridge, I would find myself thinking about this girl he had been texting and my mind would wander. My mind would always cast back to my psycho girlfriend moment. I would wonder if anything was going on;  if she was interested in him and what they acted like together. I’m sure these are probably things that would run through the mind of anyone in an LDR in this situation. But the thing that concerned me the most was how did someone new come into his life and I was so oblivious!?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I don’t feel as if I need to know every move that Bradley makes. You will find out much more about Bradley by speaking to him in person than you will from messaging him online, and I am ok with that. I don’t mind waiting until we are back together to find out little anecdotes about dumb things he got up to with his friends, or a story about his customers from work. But how did I go so many months without even the slightest inclination that Brad had made a new friend? That baffled me.

The answer is pretty obvious. There was a break down in communication to some extent. Skype calls declined while I had exams, phone calls pretty much didn’t exist. All we done was text each other, but even that can be difficult to keep up when you are still going about your every day life and dealing with your own problems. Quite naturally that makes the space for things (or people in this instance) to pass us by. This whole concept was pretty difficult to get my head around. It wasn’t until I spoke to Brad about the situation that I realised it can be the only logical explanation.

That conversation in itself was difficult. How do you talk to your partner about their new friendship that seems to have sprung up out of nowhere, without it seeming accusatory? How do you even tell someone that their new friendship makes you feel a bit strange, without it coming across the wrong way? I had so many questions circulating my mind, and every single one of them made me feel petty, and like I was being silly about it because it is such a small issue. He has a new friend, so what? He is allowed to have friends, and meet new people. It’s not a big deal. But I knew that I had to talk to him about it.

This is what I meant when I said that communication is important. Some times the little things don’t matter. No one really wants to know what you eat every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But some times, the most insignificant things do, and this is a prime example of that. Meeting a new person can seem like the most insignificant change in your life, but in a long distance relationship, it can seem like they have appeared out of nowhere. The little signs that indicate how close you have become to a new person aren’t always evident when you and your partner are constantly communicating through a screen. Sometimes these little things need to be mentioned.

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