Arguments, they happen. Sometimes they are just a small squabble, and other times they will take their toll. There isn’t any avoiding them, even if you do try. Brad and I have had our fair share of arguments ranging from ‘I don’t want that for dinner’ to the more ferocious ‘can I have more attention please?’ Every now and again they come about. We cry, we fix things and we get over it. But how?
This is where I would love to make this a generic LDR post and say “oh we are just so good at communicating!!” and pretend we are better off than those couples who live together because of our experience. But truth be told, that’s not true. I hate talking about my problems. I am more of a “let me sleep on it and forget about it” kind of person. But of course, that doesn’t really solve anything and I wake up more bitter and ruthless than I was the night before. Brad on the other hand… he is my arch nemesis. He wants to talk and be rational and sort things out as quickly as possible. Something that I do not possess the to ability to do.
So what is our average argument like?
They are short and bloodless, but nevertheless, they still hurt. My desire to pretend everything is perfect and ignore the harsh truth allows my resent to bubble up and turn sour. My brain tells me not to argue and stay quiet, but my frustration begins to show. I’ll stop talking and turn my back on the camera, I might even hide under my duvet in the hopes that I might disappear along with all my problems. It never works. By this point Brad has clocked on, and he wants an explanation while I continue to stew in my own loathing. He will poke and prod until the words come out. Even if I don’t want them to. Even if I cry, or make matters worse, he still wants to hear it.
In the moment his persistence is infuriating. It makes me hate him even more. But on reflection, it is exactly what I need. I need to talk. I need to share my anger, and we need to sort things out, and so far we have. I can’t remain a trouble free child until the end of time – even though that does sound ideal, it isn’t realistic. There isn’t any right or wrong way to resolve a spat, but it always boils down to communication. Don’t let your relationship go south because of irrationality.
If you can’t say the words, type them.