I’m not a big talker. I’m not good at sharing how I feel about things, and when I do it is almost inevitable that I will cry. I’m excellent at going silent and not wanting to talk, then forgetting that something happened the next day. Being open and honest with my feelings creates a lump in my throat that is difficult for me to swallow.
The most difficult thing for me to learn to do, not only in my relationship, but just generally in my life is to be open about when I am upset. The thought of it alone makes me want to curl in a hole and never emerge ever again. While it is a slow process, I am learning to become more open, and I think that living so far from Brad has actually benefited me in this regard.
Being in a long distance relationship has put us in a situation which forces us to confront all of our feelings. It’s not as simple as being able to kiss and make up. Every time you look at your texts or sign onto Skype, you are confronted with your last messages whether they are bitter or sweet. Arguing isn’t easy to ignore.
Unsurprisingly, and rather fittingly, technology has encouraged me to tackle a huge emotional hurdle. While it is remains by no means easy, being able to pick up my phone and type out my feelings is a tiny little baby step in confronting my feelings. It gets them out there without witnessing the reaction, which can make it all a little easier. Maybe one day I’ll be able to express myself verbally, but for now, thank god for technology!